Donut Peach Green Juice

Don’t get too excited. I didn’t juice a donut (not that I’ve never considered it).
Instead, we’re juicing the glorious donut peach. That’s right. No, it’s not filled with jelly or fried to perfection. It is simply a sweet little variety of white peach that looks like it has been smushed into the shape of a donut. They are also called Saturn peaches. Perhaps it’s because they are simply outta this world… amirite? See what I did there? Of course you did. Oh, what’s that? We’re ignoring that joke and just moving on because you’re doing me the solid courtesy of letting it slide? Gosh, I appreciate you. For reals.
Perhaps it’s one of those days where we should get right to the recipe. The next joke I have in my brain involves a rocket ship. Don’t ask. Really. It’s Thursday. Officially the day in the week where my brain turns to cheese and puns fall out of my mouth with no regard for their quality. I’ve officially pulled the third rotting banana this week out of my handbag, and I’m eating cold meatballs for breakfast. Jealous? Don’t even get me started on my outfit. It’s like MC Hammer meets laundry day meets covered in dog hair. Can’t touch this. *Insert uncomfortable pelvic thrust dance moves here* […]

Raspberry & Honey Goat Cheese Tartlets {Gluten Free & Primal Friendly}

My husband plays a lot of video games.
He is probably proof reading this right now (Hi, Honey!) and wondering where this is going to go…
Am I going to tell everyone about the time I came home from that work function to find him on a headset, shouting loud and purposefully “DOES ANYONE NEED A JETPACK?! I HAVE JETPACKS!!” ? Nope Yes.
It turns out that in video games most things are easier when you have a jetpack. This is a solid lesson. I think this lesson carries over into real life.  I have high ceilings, and a jetpack would be super useful to help me clean the sky lights. I would also be able to reach things out of the tall-people cabinets without having to stand in my sink. Practical Applications For Everyday Jetpack Use. Do I smell a book deal? No — I don’t. Unless you do. I could write the heck out of that book.
To be fair, my husband makes his grown-up living working in the video game industry. He is lucky enough to really enjoy what he does. Sometimes he enjoys it so much he will put in a few hours on a Saturday. It’s totally recreational on weekends, but when I decide to sigh loudly or roll my eyes, he likes to remind me that video games pay the bills around these parts. This usually just makes me sigh louder or elicits a bigger eye roll. I’m fun. […]

Hangry Bear + Hanger Management

This, my friends, is a bear. This bear is hungry. This bear is angry. This bear is “hangry.” This bear sometimes waits too long in between meals and then yells at her husband when he offers to make her scrambled eggs. This bear will swear up and down and sideways that she is not hungry. Why does she have to be hungry? Can’t a bear just be emotional? Gosh. Nobody understands a bear. This bear will then complain that her stomach hurts and that she feels nauseous. Husband-bear will suggest again that his wife-bear is simply hungry. This bear will not have it. This bear is convinced that she is probably dying, and the only thing her husband-bear can think about is scrambled eggs. Typical husband-bear. Always thinking about breakfast.  Husband-bear will totally just make those scrambled eggs anyway, and place the loaded plate in front of his angry wife-bear’s snarling snout. This bear will devour them. This bear was the hungriest.

Confession… this bear is me. This is basically a self portrait. Hanger: it isn’t pretty. […]

Chocolate & Honey Avocado Shake

I am going to be up front with you…
Every time I see someone post a picture of a green smoothie that contains avocado, I squirm. Avocados are for guacamole. You put them on top of your toast and sprinkle it with sea salt. You can totally sub them in for mayonnaise and make a Green Egg Salad. But, smoothies? Really? Is it a guacamole smoothie? I’m not sold. Why is this happening? I just can’t hang. I’ve been mistrusting of any and all humans that have muttered the words “avocado pudding” or claimed to make a great “vegan avocado brownie”. Shudder.
Like most of my food aversions, I decided to just dive right in. Challenge accepted. Guacamole smoothie, I’m coming for you.
My first avocado smoothie was horrifying. No joke. It was pretty much all veggies with half of a frozen banana. It tasted bitter. I spat it out. I felt sad. This smoothie was supposed to prove me wrong. It was supposed to be life-changing and wonderful and simply everything. Perhaps I put too much pressure there? Probably. No matter. As I spat out the evil green goo I had foolishly concocted in my Vitamix and watched it slink down the drain, it started a fire inside of me. A metaphorical fire. A smoothie-revenge-fire. An I-will-totally-win-you-fire. Avocado smoothie, you will be mine. MUAHAHAHAHA! (Dastardly avocado whispering evil laugh) […]