I haven’t sat down to write in this space for three months.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve come here. I’ve flipped the lid of my laptop. I’ve stared blankly into the screen. I’ve opened up a fresh document and wrote over a thousand emotional words about the hollow exhaustion I feel on this lengthy health journey–plus, just all the feelings.
Feelings about shootings, infuriatingly flippant rape convictions and all of the tirelessly troubling news that seemed to hit over and over again during the summer. The 2016 political climate and how IDONTUNDERSTANDWHATISHAPPENING. I wrote about why I wasn’t writing. I just wrote all the words that came up. The word vomit. Out of my finger tips. Finger vomit? Feelings vomit? Finger feelings? I wrote those.
How do I say all the things I need to say? How vulnerable is too vulnerable? Do I even have anything important to say? I’ve been silent for too long. Do I even remember how to blog? This is a food blog, should I even talk about rape here? So many important things are going on, not to mention the crippling exhaustion I’ve faced these last months struggling with my own health. Should I let them know that sometimes, even though I’m strong, I cry and sincerely fear that I will never be healthy again? Should I really just write about salad? Look, here’s a nice salad. Surely I can’t come back from not saying any words, and being silently overwhelmed with emotions, just to jump back in like nothing ever happened and make you guys a salad!! […]