Papaya Sunrise Green Smoothie

I officially don’t own flip flops.

This is a big deal. I live in California. It’s like a state requirement. At any moment the California police are probably going to walk into my house and take me away. I’ll be forced to explain to them that it’s not my fault that I am wearing shoes and socks in 90 degree heat. I will sell out the dog and explain that she has officially chewed up every pair of (expensive) flip flops that I own.  They will arrest both of us. We will end up in the same Women’s Correctional Facility. Emma will make my life hell and I will be labeled a “snitch” for ratting her out. She will chew up all of my bath slippers and I will be forced to shower without flip flops. I hear that’s a no go in prison. I’ve clearly been watching too much Orange is the New Black. Like, whoa. Prison tangent. Normal for a Tuesday.

My point is (if there is one), it totally sucks to wake up on a Monday morning and discover that both your Reef sandals and your husbands Rainbow sandals have been reduced to leathery spit balls. At the rate we are going, I will be shoeless by August. I will be relegated to digging in my closet to find the one pair of forgotten shoes that I can strap onto my feet. Is it going to be my ugg-style cat boots (highly misguided fashion choice) or will it be the slightly furry Birkenstock clogs that I obtained for free by Christmas caroling at the Birkenstock factory in 2001? Both choices sound pretty solid. Help.

One day, in my teaching years, I found myself wearing the aforementioned Birkenstock clogs to class. I was informed by a six year old that it looked like I was wearing a couple of sea otters on my feet. I think I replied with a simple, “They are.”  Gotta keep ’em guessing. […]

Leek and Asparagus Quiche With Almond Meal Crust

What have I always said is the most important thing?
Wait… did you say bears? You probably said bears. Nope. It’s breakfast (tied with bears). So, maybe I really miss Arrested Development already. Did you have a chance to watch the entire fourth season? We knocked that out in a couple of days. Now I want more and immediately would be best. 
We totally don’t have more episodes, but we DO have a recipe for breakfast. Important. I wish we had a recipe for brunch with bears. I could totally share my eggs with a couple of Grizzlies. I guess this is called “camping”, and the bears are usually discourteous party-crashers that would love to snack on your femurs with club sauce. Real. This daydream just got 100% more terrifying. Moving on… […]

Double Dark Chocolate Gluten-Free Zucchini Bread

Sometimes you need chocolate, and you need that chocolate exactly NOW.
Yesterday, that chocolate monster was me. It was probably a red flag when I got onto Twitter in the afternoon and tweeted awkwardly about how badly I wanted a milkshake. Actually, I’m pretty sure I phrased it “The things I would do for a milkshake right about now…” or something to that effect. You shouldn’t tweet things like that. It invites people to send you weirdly inappropriate messages questioning just how far you really would go for that milkshake. It then makes you realize all of the things you WOULDN’T do for a milkshake. There are lots of things I absolutely WOULD NOT DO for a milkshake. Ever. That list is long! I mean, I really like milkshakes, but a girl has standards!
After deciding it would be the best of moves to get off of the internet promptly, I started to dream about a hunk of dark baking chocolate I had in my pantry. I walked over to the pantry and held it in my hands. I unwrapped the corners and thought seriously about just digging in. No one would know. I was alone. No. No, Gina. Have some self control. We will bake something. Get the corner of that pound of baking chocolate out of your mouth. Be a lady. My conscience can be a real downer.
After some consideration, I decided that we should take some zucchini bread and make it chocolate-y. Oh, and then throw some coarsely chopped dark chocolate in the batter to create pockets of melt-y pure-chocolate goodness. YES!!! […]

Beet, Honey & Yogurt Smoothie

How is everyone’s guacamole hangover going? You know what they say… the best way to cure a hangover is to eat some guacamole in the shower. Or was that drink a beer in the shower? I can never remember. Perhaps do both to cover your bases. Tortilla chips in the shower are not recommended, however, as they tend to get soggy when mixed with water. You’re going to have to go at it with a spoon. NBD.

So, this weekend I made one of these:

Oh, Emma. […]