A couple of weeks ago, I found myself sulking outside of a local bakery. This isn’t a gluten-free bakery, but they do make a fantastic gluten-free scone. I arrived too late in the day, and as usual, they were completely sold out. However, my wheat-eating husband bought himself some ridiculous looking apple-stuffed, almond-stuffed, hopes and dreams-stuffed croissant. I was irrationally upset about this situation. I could feel my blood pressure rising as I watched bits of pastry flake off onto his shirt, and tiny bits of apple adhere to his adorable mouth corners. All I wanted was a scone. I briefly considered not eating breakfast at all. How could I? I had been dreaming of that scone for… well, at least the last thirty minutes. I could taste the flaky bits of berry filled dough in my mind. No other breakfast would measure up. I was on a scone only hunger strike. I was quickly becoming an insane person. This happens when hunger sets in. I’m still myself, but the drama is cranked up to eleven, and the tears start to nag at my ducts, begging to be released. It’s as if I’ve melded my physical person with the frenetic emotional instability of Buster Bluth, and the overly emotive face of Oscar The Grouch. If you’re wondering, my husband really loves when this happens (he doesn’t). May I remind you that all of this is happening OVER A SCONE. Ugh. […]
Few things say “Holllliiidaaaayyyy… Cellllleeeebrrraaaaate” to me more than shoving a bunch of fruit and spices into booze to make even FANCIER booze. We’ve done it before with this Apple & Cinnamon Bourbon, with which we’ve expertly crafted these Hot Toddies. But, now we’re delving into the world of dried apricots and ginger and other spicy spices. It’s a good place to be. It’s going to make one FANCY jar of booze-juice. Like, people should be excited if you’re their secret Santa. I mean… what would you rather have? A ten dollar gift certificate to Starbucks or a nice little bottle of home-infused boozy cheer?! If you said Starbucks, I don’t hate you… but, I’m not, like, totally into you right now. We can make up later. Here, have some of my legendary peace-making Vegan Chocolate Pudding. Better? Good. Now, let’s get infusing. […]
Today is the day after the holiday one might refer to as “Eatsgiving”.
And, if you’re like me and have a mountain of leftovers in your fridge. you most likely have been playing the part of “The Glutton” in a motion picture sequel known as “Thanksgiving Take Two: Who’s The Turkey Now?” This is a movie that takes place in your own living room on the couch with a plate that’s filled up with bird and gravy and stuffing and veggies and ALL THE THINGS. No cameras are present. Just a pair of sweatpants and some shameless crumbs on your shirt from that second piece of leftover pie. Who are we kidding? It’s your third piece. You mindlessly ate an entire piece of pie as a snack while making up a batch of broth with your turkey bones. You’re nothing if not resourceful. Also, every time I’m saying “you” or “you’re” know that I’m definitely talking about me. Yes. I’ve thrice pie-ed. Also, the plot of this movie is a little thin—unlike the gravy in my mouth corners. […]
Thanksgiving is a little more than a week away.
By now you’re probably trying to finalize which method you’re going to use to cook your turkey. Perhaps spatchcock-ing? Perhaps deep frying? Maybe an adventure in Turducken-ing? The world is your oyster turkey tail.
There are lots of decisions to be made. Like, are you going to put bacon in your brussel sprouts? You probably should. Or, is it a good move to make your own pie crust? If you have the time, I totally vote yes. Or, should you sit your cranky Aunt Millie next to your cousin’s new boyfriend who curses like a sailor? Probably. Do you mess with the way your Italian grandmother insists on arranging the peppers on her requisite antipasto plate? NEVER. Don’t touch that. She’ll smack your fingers with a spoon. I know this from experience. Do you still allow the relative who can’t remember to refrigerate anything to bring a mayonnaise-based dip? Yikes. Who doesn’t love a gamble? So many decisions. […]