Berry, Lime & Spearmint Tea Smoothie

I’d love to be able to share in everyone’s fall enthusiasm. Boasting pumpkin everything, with the promise of scarves and boots and 90% less pit stains on tank tops. I’m with you guys. I would like it to rain. I would like the dusty California hills to be able to settle down with a nice cool drink of water — or vodka — whichever falls out of the sky first. But, right now it kind of feels like fall will never get here. It’s what I affectionately call “I’M-PROBABLY-GONNA-DIE-HOT” outside. Also, by affectionately, I mean dramatically — and most often peppered with choice swear words. So, here we are, clinging to the hope of fall, and forced into late summer survival mode. Also, our meals are going to be exclusively smoothies. K, thanks.


Papaya Sunrise Green Smoothie

I officially don’t own flip flops.

This is a big deal. I live in California. It’s like a state requirement. At any moment the California police are probably going to walk into my house and take me away. I’ll be forced to explain to them that it’s not my fault that I am wearing shoes and socks in 90 degree heat. I will sell out the dog and explain that she has officially chewed up every pair of (expensive) flip flops that I own.  They will arrest both of us. We will end up in the same Women’s Correctional Facility. Emma will make my life hell and I will be labeled a “snitch” for ratting her out. She will chew up all of my bath slippers and I will be forced to shower without flip flops. I hear that’s a no go in prison. I’ve clearly been watching too much Orange is the New Black. Like, whoa. Prison tangent. Normal for a Tuesday.

My point is (if there is one), it totally sucks to wake up on a Monday morning and discover that both your Reef sandals and your husbands Rainbow sandals have been reduced to leathery spit balls. At the rate we are going, I will be shoeless by August. I will be relegated to digging in my closet to find the one pair of forgotten shoes that I can strap onto my feet. Is it going to be my ugg-style cat boots (highly misguided fashion choice) or will it be the slightly furry Birkenstock clogs that I obtained for free by Christmas caroling at the Birkenstock factory in 2001? Both choices sound pretty solid. Help.

One day, in my teaching years, I found myself wearing the aforementioned Birkenstock clogs to class. I was informed by a six year old that it looked like I was wearing a couple of sea otters on my feet. I think I replied with a simple, “They are.”  Gotta keep ’em guessing. […]

Beet, Honey & Yogurt Smoothie

How is everyone’s guacamole hangover going? You know what they say… the best way to cure a hangover is to eat some guacamole in the shower. Or was that drink a beer in the shower? I can never remember. Perhaps do both to cover your bases. Tortilla chips in the shower are not recommended, however, as they tend to get soggy when mixed with water. You’re going to have to go at it with a spoon. NBD.

So, this weekend I made one of these:

Oh, Emma. […]

The Greeña Colada Smoothie

I am slutty for coconut.

You guys have probably figured this out by now. I can put it in a salad, I will sprinkle it on your donuts, and I will most certainly use it to make nutella. There is simply no shame in my game.

However, I have not publicly declared my love for pineapple. This is a love that  runs deep through my Hawaiian veins. It is some serious affection. I will eat it until the acid makes my tongue start to burn.I have vivid memories of sitting with my Papa in his kitchen and having him sprinkle salt on pieces of freshly cut pineapple, and then, as he would say, “we went eat it up.”  He is a good eating partner. I remember being small and always placing myself strategically near him if he was eating something like poi with dried shrimp or was cutting up a fresh tuna into sashimi. I am no fool. I would bat my big eyes, reach out my chubby kid hands, and a piece of fresh sashimi always seemed to land in my finger tips. I knew how to work that glorious system. Honestly, I think he just loves to share the things that he loves with me. It was a source of pride for him to see his tiny granddaughter developing a serious taste for all of the flavors he had grown up with on the islands. […]

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