Donut Peach Green Juice

Don’t get too excited. I didn’t juice a donut (not that I’ve never considered it).
Instead, we’re juicing the glorious donut peach. That’s right. No, it’s not filled with jelly or fried to perfection. It is simply a sweet little variety of white peach that looks like it has been smushed into the shape of a donut. They are also called Saturn peaches. Perhaps it’s because they are simply outta this world… amirite? See what I did there? Of course you did. Oh, what’s that? We’re ignoring that joke and just moving on because you’re doing me the solid courtesy of letting it slide? Gosh, I appreciate you. For reals.
Perhaps it’s one of those days where we should get right to the recipe. The next joke I have in my brain involves a rocket ship. Don’t ask. Really. It’s Thursday. Officially the day in the week where my brain turns to cheese and puns fall out of my mouth with no regard for their quality. I’ve officially pulled the third rotting banana this week out of my handbag, and I’m eating cold meatballs for breakfast. Jealous? Don’t even get me started on my outfit. It’s like MC Hammer meets laundry day meets covered in dog hair. Can’t touch this. *Insert uncomfortable pelvic thrust dance moves here* […]

Green Watermelon Cooler

If you come here and hang out with me often, you will know that when it comes to watermelon I find myself a bit powerless. The weather starts to heat up, and I can’t seem to help myself. It usually starts with just cutting myself a slice. Wow! That’s so refreshing! Then I decide to cut another slice. Magic! Pure, magic! Sooner or later I find myself alone, with sweet, sticky hands. I have pink juice running down my chin and I have a slosh-y affliction in my gut that can only be described as “Watermelon Belly”. Those of you watermelon fiends know what I’m talking about. Things happen to your body when you decide to take on an entire watermelon. So far this season, I have learned this lesson exactly twice. I might even (definitely will) learn it again. […]

Kale, Apple & Ginger Juice

You know it’s spring when…

You wake drowsily at 9:00am because you were forced to take a powerful antihistamine the night before. You took this antihistamine because of all of the mosquito bites that you have managed to acquire. They itch. You have a particularly gnarly one on your stomach, which proves curious since you don’t remember wearing anything resembling a crop-top. You’ve been spending a lot of time outside. Even at night. This is where all of those rosy mosquito bites came from.  It’s been sunshine on sunshine on sunshine. You’ve been sporting a tank top and frolicking in the outdoors despite your allergies. Your eyes are swelling slightly? You can’t breathe? We should probably go inside…BUT IT’S JUST SO GOSH DARN SUNNY! Your body craves this wicked vitamin D festival, so you ignore your allergies, eat some local honey, inhale some prescription nose spray and get real about eye-drops. You start scoping out and trying to guesstimate how much of your backyard your next door neighbors can see through their kitchen window. Obviously this is because you would like to read a good book while wearing your birthday suit. You surmise the neighbors can see way too much. You also surmise that they’ve already seen way too much. Why did you not check this out before you decided to go out into the yard in your underpants (MULTIPLE times)? Not sure. Oh well. You find yourself out at farmer’s markets. You find yourself paying $7.50 for a green juice. You know this is expensive, but you can’t help it. It looks so good. You suck down $7.50 worth of fruits and veggies in a flash. You try to be mad about the price, but you can’t because it tastes too good, although once it is gone you find yourself tinged with a bit of regret. You have an awesome juicer. You could have made three green juices at that price. Sheesh. Also, you should put sunscreen on your husband’s neck, it’s about to burn. This is our real life. […]