Grain-Free Lemon Apricot Yogurt Cake + How Social Media Makes Me Feel Like A Big Fat Failure

Hello. How are you? I made you cake.

In truth, I made you this cake months ago, but I didn’t share it with you then. Rude. I know.

More truth.

I have two speeds when I’m overwhelmed. The first speed is the high speed of my Kitchen Aid mixer making something superfluous, or the low and slow bubbling of something rich and comforting (read: this eggplant parm). Yeah, the first speed happens somewhere in my kitchen. The second speed isn’t really a speed at all. It looks more like a scared, paralyzed possum who’s instinctively playing dead.  Yes, this is perhaps the slowest speed. It’s a dead (er…playing dead) stop. This is one functional step above lying on the floor of your closet with the lights off and the door closed, foraging a bed out of your impressively large worn-out sweater collection. […]

Lemon Roasted Brussels Sprouts

I’m continuing on with my crusade to make your Valentines Day one for the culinary books! I’m sure you’ve seen my Perfect Pan Seared Filet Mignon and my deliciously decadent Creamy Goat Cheese & Lobster Mashed Potatoes– but, what about veggies? We’ve all been to a steakhouse and then received a beautiful plate of steak, a baked potato and the saddest pile of wilted green beans or sweaty, droopy-looking carrots. It’s depressing. Let’s stop the madness and make a simple and delicious vegetable side dish that doesn’t make you feel like crying.  There’s no crying in vegetables! That’s a famous movie quote, right? Something like that. Just imagine I’m Tom Hanks. […]

Grain-Free Lemon Vanilla Cookies

It’s Monday. I’m tired from Weekending. Yes, this is totally a thing.

You know how people are always like “I need a vacation from my vacation –wahhhhhh!!”? Because that’s a thing that people always say (myself included–wahhhhhh!). Well, I propose that we start needing weekends from our weekends. This will make us professional weekenders. And, I’m all about learning more professional skills. Imagine your new resume! Under your special skills you could put things like: Typing, Excel & Weekending. I wouldn’t call myself an expert on corporate business strategies, but I’m pretty sure your new boss would be thrilled to see that one of your core skills is blindly looking forward to Fridays. I think it, simply put, makes you a forward thinker. They’re into that stuff, right? I don’t know. Maybe I should just stick to things that I actually know–like, how Mondays are most certainly for cookies. Yes, that’s my final answer.  […]

Crispy Chicken Skillet With Artichokes, Beets, Lemon & Olives

Oh, hey there. Long time no chat. Where have you guys been? Oh, wait. You’re saying it’s my fault we haven’t talked in a while? Correct. Guilty. I’ll fill you in on the gaps. I got glutened (oof!). Got better. Got the stomach flu (double oof!). Got better. Made crispy chicken in a skillet. Now, we’re all caught up. That’s the really quick version. The longer version involves unsavory details, profanity and drinking my weight’s worth in liquids. The same pair of  large grey sweat pants adorning my hairy unkempt legs. Also, I’m totally caught up on all the trash television. So, if you wanna gossip about what’s happening on The Bachelorette — I’m your girl. Don’t even get me started on the guy who claimed to be an Amateur Sex Coach. The whole thing just makes me feel really weird. Also, if you’re not watching Married At First Sight, I don’t know what you’re doing with your life. Probably living it. I should probably take off these grey sweats and join you. This chicken is a step in the right direction. Chick it out. Get it? Like, check it out… but, with chick, because chicken puns. You’re welcome to throw stuff at me now. Or, if you want it to really sting, just silently yet aggressively face palm in my direction. Good. That’s perfect.

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