Fig & Raspberry Quick Jam {Gluten Free & Paleo}

I am in a full on “HOW THE HECK IS SUMMER ALMOST OVER?!?!” meltdown.
Didn’t it just get here? I don’t even have tan lines yet. I haven’t gone swimming in a pool, and I definitely haven’t enjoyed as many Watermelon Margaritas as I would like. I’ve made exactly one trip to the beach, and it was totally fogged in that day. I was wearing a sweatshirt and drinking a tea. Sure, I’ve totally eaten my weight in peaches and berries, but I’m just not done. I don’t know if I’m ready for squash and apples and copious amounts of pumpkin on pumpkin all spiced up with cinnamon. Slow down. Pump them there breaks.
In one attempt to stave off fall, I have been overbuying things like raspberries and figs. I know that the figs will be around for a little while longer, but I have been hoarding produce. It’s a compulsion. I am not proud. Some people hoard cats. Some people hoard newspapers. I hoard seasonal produce. Just let me cope. I know that I will come around to fall. After all, there is Pumpkin Pie involved. Someone pass the whipped cream. Whoa… that wasn’t so difficult to get excited about. I really like pie. Still… I don’t think I’m quite ready. I hope the seasons can hold off until I have found an appropriate pair of really cute fall boots. You know, priorities.  […]

Chocolate & Honey Avocado Shake

I am going to be up front with you…
Every time I see someone post a picture of a green smoothie that contains avocado, I squirm. Avocados are for guacamole. You put them on top of your toast and sprinkle it with sea salt. You can totally sub them in for mayonnaise and make a Green Egg Salad. But, smoothies? Really? Is it a guacamole smoothie? I’m not sold. Why is this happening? I just can’t hang. I’ve been mistrusting of any and all humans that have muttered the words “avocado pudding” or claimed to make a great “vegan avocado brownie”. Shudder.
Like most of my food aversions, I decided to just dive right in. Challenge accepted. Guacamole smoothie, I’m coming for you.
My first avocado smoothie was horrifying. No joke. It was pretty much all veggies with half of a frozen banana. It tasted bitter. I spat it out. I felt sad. This smoothie was supposed to prove me wrong. It was supposed to be life-changing and wonderful and simply everything. Perhaps I put too much pressure there? Probably. No matter. As I spat out the evil green goo I had foolishly concocted in my Vitamix and watched it slink down the drain, it started a fire inside of me. A metaphorical fire. A smoothie-revenge-fire. An I-will-totally-win-you-fire. Avocado smoothie, you will be mine. MUAHAHAHAHA! (Dastardly avocado whispering evil laugh) […]

Lemon & Chamomile Paleo Muffins {Gluten Free}

Important things I did yesterday instead of writing:

I Google image searched “Dogs wearing overalls” which then lead me to image search “Dogs in business suits” which then lead me to search “Where can I buy my dog a business suit?” and “Business suit for dogs distributor.” There is more. Let’s just say I went down the rabbit hole.

After this, I did a fair amount of internet research on tater tots. Sunday afternoon was spent brunching with friends. Tater tots happened in a big way. I want to make them. I can’t stop thinking about them. My brain and my heart are filled with images of these crunchy, school-time favorites. You want some now, don’t you? I am going to do my best to make this happen. I asked Siri earnestly “Why are tater-tots so delicious?” to which she replied “Calling Jim.”  Siri fail. The most concerning part being, I don’t know a Jim. […]

Cardamom & Honey Cashew Milk {Gluten Free, Vegan & Paleo Friendly}

I’ve started and stopped writing this post more times than I would like to admit.
This is because I’ve written these sentences several times over and over with the utmost sincerity, and I am starting to feel like Tobias Funke:
How does one milk nuts?
I just love the taste of creamy nut milk!
It might seem time consuming to make your nut milk by hand, but the payoff is worth it.
OH LORD, HELP ME.
Maybe I should just stop using the term nut milk and we’d be in way less trouble here. Let’s get more specific. Let’s call it cashew milk. Ah, there we go. That is so much better already. I can just feel this post taking a turn out of the gutter and straight to Classyville. Welcome. […]