How To Make Grape Jelly From Grape Juice

When a neighbor calls and asks you to help harvest her vineyard in exchange for grapes… you go.  At least, I totally go. I’m usually not one to turn down fresh produce. You know this. I’ve discussed my produce sluttery. I will work for food. Period.
It’s only later when you’re staring at a very large container full of harvested grapes that you think, “huh…what now?!” Like anything fresh, grapes have a shelf life, and you need to get on it kind of quickly before they ripen themselves to death, fermenting and exploding all over each other. Time to roll up yer sleeves…
Fast forward. It’s a Saturday night. I have an eye twitch. I’ve been washing and de-stemming grapes for over an hour. My fingers are purple. I have chosen to watch the movie Stepmom while taking on this project. Uh oh, here come the waterworks. Tears mix with my grape stained hands as I wipe away sobs. Susan Sarandon didn’t have to make that extremely sentimental magicians cape for her son, did she? Whoa. Ugh. So. MUCH. Crying. My husband calls me from a bar on his business trip. I have to explain to him that I am fine, but have just made the incredibly  misguided decision to make grape jelly while watching a highly sentimental film. Nothing to worry about here (totally worry). […]

Kale Salad With Golden Raisins, Walnuts & Pecorino

As most of you know, my husband went out of town on business. How do you know this? Well… I wrote a pretty awkward post about it. Remember my last post where I drew you a Capybara Ballarina and there were talks of me eating entire boxes of gluten-free mac and cheese? Yeah. #SingleLadyProblems. Well, things didn’t get any more normal in the evenings to follow. I baked and consumed an entire dozen chocolate chip cookies. I spent Saturday evening making jelly and sobbing while watching the movie Stepmom. Don’t worry… I totally saw a bunch of friends and went out into the world, but when it got late and my hands needed to keep busy, I would get in the kitchen or get out a paintbrush or turn on Netflix and watch four solid hours of birthing documentaries. Whoa. Real story. I saw everything. I then spent an hour and a half researching midwives and doulas and water births. And no I’m not pregnant, I just have access to Google, which lends itself to my crazy inquisitive spirit. Thanks, Google. […]

Fig & Raspberry Quick Jam {Gluten Free & Paleo}

I am in a full on “HOW THE HECK IS SUMMER ALMOST OVER?!?!” meltdown.
Didn’t it just get here? I don’t even have tan lines yet. I haven’t gone swimming in a pool, and I definitely haven’t enjoyed as many Watermelon Margaritas as I would like. I’ve made exactly one trip to the beach, and it was totally fogged in that day. I was wearing a sweatshirt and drinking a tea. Sure, I’ve totally eaten my weight in peaches and berries, but I’m just not done. I don’t know if I’m ready for squash and apples and copious amounts of pumpkin on pumpkin all spiced up with cinnamon. Slow down. Pump them there breaks.
In one attempt to stave off fall, I have been overbuying things like raspberries and figs. I know that the figs will be around for a little while longer, but I have been hoarding produce. It’s a compulsion. I am not proud. Some people hoard cats. Some people hoard newspapers. I hoard seasonal produce. Just let me cope. I know that I will come around to fall. After all, there is Pumpkin Pie involved. Someone pass the whipped cream. Whoa… that wasn’t so difficult to get excited about. I really like pie. Still… I don’t think I’m quite ready. I hope the seasons can hold off until I have found an appropriate pair of really cute fall boots. You know, priorities.  […]

Plantain Skillet Brownies With Salted Caramel Sauce { Gluten-Free & Paleo }

You know how I can’t seem to NOT let a banana turn all brown and mushy and gross? It’s like one of my hobbies. Should we count the times I’ve actually reached into my purse and accidentally squished an over-ripe banana all over my wallet? It’s a lot of times. I never learn that lesson. Curse the banana for being so portable and so quick to ripen! It’s a trick of nature. This is my way of shifting the blame onto an entire species of fruit that I can’t seem to get it together and clean out my purse like a grown up. I think it’s working.
Lucky for you, my reckless regard for the shelf life of a banana is working in your benefit. Remember this Tipsy Blueberry Banana Bread? That recipe rose from the ashes of a bunch of black bananas like a gosh darn Phoenix. After that post, my lovely friend Lauren commented that I really should be freezing all of these bananas and that they don’t need to hang out on my counters dying and attracting fruit flies. Okay, she didn’t put it like that… but, I got the hint and I totally started loading up the freezer. There are a comical amount of frozen bananas in there. I am seriously waiting for my husband to open up the freezer and have an avalanche of frozen bananas rain down on him. Not only would that be comically genius, but the look on his face would be priceless and probably pretty angry. Is it wrong that I find it super endearing when he gets angry? Oh, marriage.  […]