I’m not a baker. It’s not my thing. I don’t like to measure or follow instructions. When I’m not developing recipes, you won’t find me with a measuring cup in hand or a baking scale under foot (is that not how baking scales work? Weird). It’s cumbersome to have to be so meticulous. I come from a long line of people who write recipes with the precise measurements of “just put some soy sauce” or “use a few glugs of oil”. I was raised inside of a wild and free kitchen culture. So, as you can imagine,  I don’t like to feel the weight of science on my shoulders as we anticipate, with bated breath, to see if gluten-free brownies are going to rise. Baking is one thing, and gluten-free baking is a whole different more complicated (and sometimes frustrating) animal. You know what I’m talking about, right? Maybe you recently went gluten-free and you decided to google a recipe for bread. You are met with approximately five hundred different types of special order flours–there are many things on this list you didn’t know could even be made into a flour: Chestnuts. Sorghum. Teff. Eye of Newt. Xanthan Gum. Crickets. Unicorn Shoulder. In short, it ain’t always easy. I see you. I hear you. We are one. 

Grain-free baking tends to be a little more friendly on both my system and on my psyche. I feel a little more at home in the confines of almond flour, coconut flour, arrowroot starch, cassava flour and the like. I find it causes much less hyperventilation. If you’re still reading you have probably gathered that I am no Thomas Keller and my narrow, messy, kitchen is not nicknamed Bouchon Bakery. You can trust that if I can bake something, you totally can too! We got this. Insert several strong-arm emojis here followed by a spanish dancer for flare.

These blondies are made out of almond butter. That’s right, you heard me. YOU DON’T EVEN NEED TO GET NO FLOUR. Just go down to Trader Joes, pick up some almond butter with the panache and confidence of a person who doesn’t have to deal with xanthan gum today. It’s okay to wink at the checkout clerk. I do it all the time. It lets them know you’ve got this. Don’t worry, you won’t seem creepy. Also, never take my winking advice. Just because I’m an awkward grocery store winker doesn’t mean you need to be. Save yourself.

In an effort to keep my blondies less blonde, I studded these easy little babes with chunks of dark chocolate and blackberries. I don’t need to tell you this was a good decision, because DUH. The dark chocolate gets all melty, the blackberries get jammy, and the tops of these blondies get sprinkled with flaky sea salt for good measure. I have a total lady boner for these here blondies (full disclosure: just texted my husband to ask him if it’s cool to say the words “lady boner” on a food blog, and I haven’t heard back, so I’m taking his silence as a big fat YES).

Oh? You’re still here? I thought I lost you somewhere between the winks and the description of my hypothetical figurative female erection. Oh, so now you’re going? Ok. Cool. But, before you leave, maybe just print out this recipe and treat yourself to an easy peasy baking experience. You deserve chocolate. You deserve everything. I deserve to stop typing.

PS. I have made these blondies low-carb and keto-ish by swapping in either Swerve or Monkfruit Sugar. HOLY BANANAS! So good. You’d never ever know anything was missing.

PPS. Thanks for being here. *wink* (<—see? totally not weird).

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