Raspberry & Honey Goat Cheese Tartlets {Gluten Free & Primal Friendly}

My husband plays a lot of video games.
He is probably proof reading this right now (Hi, Honey!) and wondering where this is going to go…
Am I going to tell everyone about the time I came home from that work function to find him on a headset, shouting loud and purposefully “DOES ANYONE NEED A JETPACK?! I HAVE JETPACKS!!” ? Nope Yes.
It turns out that in video games most things are easier when you have a jetpack. This is a solid lesson. I think this lesson carries over into real life.  I have high ceilings, and a jetpack would be super useful to help me clean the sky lights. I would also be able to reach things out of the tall-people cabinets without having to stand in my sink. Practical Applications For Everyday Jetpack Use. Do I smell a book deal? No — I don’t. Unless you do. I could write the heck out of that book.
To be fair, my husband makes his grown-up living working in the video game industry. He is lucky enough to really enjoy what he does. Sometimes he enjoys it so much he will put in a few hours on a Saturday. It’s totally recreational on weekends, but when I decide to sigh loudly or roll my eyes, he likes to remind me that video games pay the bills around these parts. This usually just makes me sigh louder or elicits a bigger eye roll. I’m fun. […]

Hangry Bear + Hanger Management

This, my friends, is a bear. This bear is hungry. This bear is angry. This bear is “hangry.” This bear sometimes waits too long in between meals and then yells at her husband when he offers to make her scrambled eggs. This bear will swear up and down and sideways that she is not hungry. Why does she have to be hungry? Can’t a bear just be emotional? Gosh. Nobody understands a bear. This bear will then complain that her stomach hurts and that she feels nauseous. Husband-bear will suggest again that his wife-bear is simply hungry. This bear will not have it. This bear is convinced that she is probably dying, and the only thing her husband-bear can think about is scrambled eggs. Typical husband-bear. Always thinking about breakfast.  Husband-bear will totally just make those scrambled eggs anyway, and place the loaded plate in front of his angry wife-bear’s snarling snout. This bear will devour them. This bear was the hungriest.

Confession… this bear is me. This is basically a self portrait. Hanger: it isn’t pretty. […]

Chocolate & Honey Avocado Shake

I am going to be up front with you…
Every time I see someone post a picture of a green smoothie that contains avocado, I squirm. Avocados are for guacamole. You put them on top of your toast and sprinkle it with sea salt. You can totally sub them in for mayonnaise and make a Green Egg Salad. But, smoothies? Really? Is it a guacamole smoothie? I’m not sold. Why is this happening? I just can’t hang. I’ve been mistrusting of any and all humans that have muttered the words “avocado pudding” or claimed to make a great “vegan avocado brownie”. Shudder.
Like most of my food aversions, I decided to just dive right in. Challenge accepted. Guacamole smoothie, I’m coming for you.
My first avocado smoothie was horrifying. No joke. It was pretty much all veggies with half of a frozen banana. It tasted bitter. I spat it out. I felt sad. This smoothie was supposed to prove me wrong. It was supposed to be life-changing and wonderful and simply everything. Perhaps I put too much pressure there? Probably. No matter. As I spat out the evil green goo I had foolishly concocted in my Vitamix and watched it slink down the drain, it started a fire inside of me. A metaphorical fire. A smoothie-revenge-fire. An I-will-totally-win-you-fire. Avocado smoothie, you will be mine. MUAHAHAHAHA! (Dastardly avocado whispering evil laugh) […]

Easy Beef Kebabs With Tangy Rosemary Chimichurri {Gluten-Free & Paleo}

I’ve been slowly but surely learning some lessons in the past couple of weeks. Shall we discuss?
1) If  you happen to be jogging and someone pulls to the side of the road, rolls down their window, and extends their arm out towards you to hand you some sort of piece of paper, don’t stop. Keep jogging. Maybe you thought this piece of paper was just some sort of pamphlet. You have been getting a lot of Jehovah’s Witness pamphlets lately from the nice people that like to knock on your door early in the morning when you aren’t wearing pants. What’s another one, right? Wrong. This is not a godly pamphlet. This is a crudely written note stating “Please you call me.” Elaborate, right? Is he driving around with a stack of these things? Well, more elaborate would be the stick figure drawing off to the right of his written plea. Although the arms and the legs are stick-ly, he has managed to tack on what I can only describe as a shocking portrayal of genitalia. Jog. Jog faster.
2) If someone knocks on your door and you are not wearing pants, it’s usually a Jehovah’s Witness. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with them. Everyone has freedom to their own beliefs. The problem I have is how often they seem to knock on my door when I am pants-less. Don’t open the door when you aren’t wearing pants, even if you think you can just peek your head through and cover your body with the main part of the door. You have a crazy Golden Retriever. She will try to get outside. You will be on your door step with a couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses, pants-less, trying to wrangle your dog. This is uncomfortable for everyone. Also, can we discuss how every single one of the pamphlets I receive has some version of kids smiling while eating a bounty of fruits and veggies, along with some sort of moose or other woodland creature. I’m confused. Probably as confused as the poor JWs were because I wasn’t wearing pants at 2:00pm on a Tuesday. […]