Spicy Ahi Tuna Poke {Gluten-Free & Paleo}

My oven is broken.

Like, sincerely broken. Not in that “the dog ate my homework”, excuse-y kind of way. I’m not blaming the oven for almost setting my cookies on fire yesterday, even though it was programmed to bake at 350 degrees. Except, that’s exactly what I’m doing — because, instead of heating up to a sensible cookie-baking temp, it heated up to approximately five billion degrees. Parchment paper turned to ash. Macadamia nuts and dark chocolate morphed together into hardened lumps of expensive coal. This all happened within three minutes.

I went to turn the oven off, and it said “This function is not in use”… Uh… Okay. So, I’ll just live like this now. I’ll get used to existing in a home with burnt cookies and a blazing oven inferno — spouting hell fire and destroying dreams. For a moment I imagined us dragging blankets into the kitchen and camping out in front of our new perma-hot stove heater for the rest of the winter. It’s the more expensive version of one of those garbage can fires you see in hobo movies. I tried to turn it off again. It shut down this time. Just for kicks I tried to turn it back on and it gave me an error message. To anyone who’s experienced this you will understand when I say  my oven was giving me a glaring, steaming, cookie-charring middle finger.

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Maple + Sriracha Brussels Sprouts

I’ve caught the meal prepping bug.

My work from home lifestyle is great on so many levels, but I find that it’s SO easy to forget to eat lunch. This isn’t good. Hanger isn’t cute, especially my hanger. It’s usually outfitted with a scowl and tears. This is not the face that my husband likes to come home to. Ol’ Scowly Tears. No. I do not like that nickname. Let’s prevent that from becoming a thing. […]

Spicy Sriracha & Honey Drumsticks

It’s HOT. Summer has arrived.
Who’s sweating? Raise your hands…
If you’re in California, I bet your hand is up. Unless you are one of those crazy bears that claims they don’t sweat. You know the type. That girl who wears make-up to the gym. You look at her and think “Jeez. Big mistake. After this kickboxing class she is going to look like a clown.” You almost feel sorry for her. The thing is, she is one of those non-sweating unicorns. The intense workout only makes her more glow-y and sparkly. You on the other hand (me) are sweating so heavily that it looks like you have just gone on a deep sea adventure. Your cheeks are red, your upper lip is moist, you try to put on your sunglasses, but they fog up from your general swampy-ness.  Moist. No one likes that word. Also, no one likes to be moist. Especially on their upper lip. Ugh. What? Why do I say these things. Gag. I don’t know if I can make that sentence sound better. Help.
Isn’t there some stupid saying out there claiming that “Women don’t sweat, they glisten.” FALSE. Unless you are that glow-y unicorn girl. Then you glisten. You are beautiful. I am jealous of the way your bangs aren’t turning curly in this heat. Stop it. […]