I know that talking about the weather is usually considered small talk. I’m well-versed in this practice. I’m the girl who will fill an awkward space in a conversation between a grocery store clerk and myself with phrases such as, “Wow! Some weather we’re having-eh?” or, “This sunshine is just bonkers, it’s just so hot,” or, “My golly! It’s raining like cats and dogs out there”. To answer your question, yes, I am probably indeed making the conversation awkward and yes, I do have the spirit of someone’s jokey grandfather. If it makes you feel better, I only wink at them sometimes.

The current state of the weather is totally taking me on an emotional roller coaster. A week ago, I was sweating out of places I didn’t know had pores and had relegated my life to being one where we only drink smoothies. It was hot. Like, make sweaty jokes with the lady in the grocery store check out line, hot. Like, I’m winking at you, but not in a cheesy way, but because there’s a bead of sweat in my eye kind of hot. Fast forward to yesterday. It was gloomy. The temp was below 70 degrees. I put on a sweater and made a pie. WHAT IS GOING ON?! It’s sunny today. Tomorrow it’s supposed to rain. This weekend I am supposed to be ready to hit the beach again as the sun continues to burn and dehydrate my flesh with its hotness. I can’t figure it out. So, in short… WOW! SOME WEATHER WE’RE HAVING, EH?! *winky face*

I don’t mean to downgrade us to small talk. I feel like our relationship here is past the whole small talk situation. Even though, if we’re honest, some relationships require a good smattering of small talk no matter how deep they run. For instance, whenever I talk to my loving in-laws, there are a few topics we will cover with comforting reliability: the weather and genuine concern about rainfall, the depth and current state of sediment in the river near their home, dogs, and whether or not we’ve been exercising. It’s our pattern, and it’s about as comfortable as one of those fleece vests my father in law likes to wear while tending his vast maple garden.

Maybe I should write the rest of this post in the style of a conversation between myself and my father in law. Let’s do it. I’ll write it like a script so that you can grab a friend and act the whole thing out. You’re welcome. Please read the part of “Dutch Father In Law” with your best Dutch accent. K-thanks.

FADE IN

INT. LIVING ROOM. NIGHT. 

DUTCH FATHER IN LAW sits in his favorite chair, meticulously reading the user manual for his camera for the fourth time. He’s a handsome white haired man who speaks with a surprisingly thick Dutch accent. He’s sipping a glass of pink wine. The phone rings, and he answers.

DFIL: HALLO, THIS IS BART! < note: yes, this is exactly how he answers the phone every single time and it’s amazing.>

NOT DUTCH DAUGHTER IN LAW: Oh, hi Pop. How are things?

DFIL: Oh, hi Gina!! Things are good down there, eh? Is it still really hot?

NDDIL: Yeah, it’s warm. The weather has been unpredictable. How about you? Get any rain recently?

DFIL: No. Still no. The river is low. I walked down there to see the sediment. I’ve had to water my maples a lot. It’s strange weather. But, we’ve been having coffee outside a lot. So, it is what it is…

NDDIL: I bet. How’s the dog?

DFIL: Good. She keeps running over to the neighbor’s house and stealing their dog’s toys. But, I don’t really know what to do about it.

NDDIL: Oh, wow. Why is she in the neighbor’s house?

DFIL: She runs over there through the woods and then they let her inside. It’s fine. They bring her back later.

NDDIL: I think we’re living very different lives.

DFIL: How is Emma?

NDDIL: Good. Not stealing anything from neighbors. So, good.

DFIL: Is Peter there too?

NDDIL: Yeah, let me get him. Once sec. Talk to you soon. Love you.

DFIL: Okay, yeah.

DUTCH SON: Hi, POP!

DFIL: Peter! So, how’s it going? You been jogging lately?

DS: Yeah, I take the dog out a few times a week. We keep each other in shape.  

This of course is a gross generalization. NDDIL gives her husband a knowing smirk as if to say “You lying sack of bananas”. 

DFIL: Wait, is Gina still there? I have to ask her about my camera. (continues to thumb through his camera manual) 

NDDIL: What’s up, Pop? 

DFIL: Do you shoot in Manual mode? Also, what’s ISO? I want to make a slideshow of my maples. Do I just put the SD card in the TV?

END SCENE

(Note: I talked to my DFIL later in the evening after writing this. We had almost this exact conversation. Weather. River. Dogs. The end.)

Now that you’ve done a table read for the worlds shoddiest short scene, I can sincerely tell you that this post has had nothing to do with potatoes or sauce to put on one’s potatoes. I can tell you with 99% certainty that my father in law wouldn’t like these because sweet potatoes are some sort of witch-y health food, and tahini sounds far too ethnic and unfamiliar. I wouldn’t be offended since this is coming from a man who I adore, yet regularly observe putting liverwurst onto raisin toast. We all have our things.

The beginning thesis of what could now be referred to as the $hit show that is this blog post was as follows: The weather is unpredictable. I’m sorry we’re talking about the weather, because that’s small talk. But, really, it’s unpredictable. Also, sometimes I wink at people and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Or, furthermore how THEY feel about that.

The meat of the essay turned into a what not to do in a screenwriting 101 class.

The conclusion lies somewhere right here…

The weather is weird. I complain about it often. So, when the weather takes a turn to be more seasonal I like to do things like roast all the veggies!! I put warming spices like turmeric and ginger on everything. They’re good for you. Turmeric has a ton of anti-inflammatory properties and can provide pain relief. In fact, one of my most popular recipes is this juice that helps relieve pain. The turmeric is more effective when paired with black pepper, which of course is easy to do in a recipe like this. The sauce is bright and delicious. Parsley is also known to help aid in detoxification. Basically, these roasty little taters are one heck of a good move for your health.

Did I mention what weird weather we’re having? Bonkers, right? *aggressive winky face*

Okay, I should go. I have to go Google “How to explain ISO to Dutch Father In Law”. K, thnx. Bye. 

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