Pain Relieving Turmeric Juice | Juicing For Pain Relief

So, I did a really super grown-up thing a week ago. Wait for it… I bought a mattress.
That’s right. I put on my adult pants, saddled up to the furniture store (let’s call it Schmacy’s) with my husband, complained about the backache being caused by my present concave sleeping slab, and was ordered to test out lots of mattress models. Firm. Soft. Pillow Top. Temperpedic. Tempertop. PillowTempertop. Firmapedic. I might have made some of those things up, but there were a lot of mattresses.  Finally we found the one. The clue was that I literally fell asleep in the store. It’s weird to wake up in a department store, people. Real weird.
I suspect you know this is going down the wrong path, right? How is this going to tie into juicing for pain relief? Bare with me…
We order the mattress and I count down the days to delivery. Finally, it arrives! My sweet firm mattress with a luxurious pillow top!! Oh boy! I climb in. It feels like I am laying on a plank of distressed wood. What?! This is not the same mattress! Dangit, Schmacy’s! Since they have already hauled away my previous concave sleeping slab, I suck it up and sleep on this new torture device. I wonder if it’s just a matter of breaking it in. Nope. The next day I found myself at the doctors office in a full on back, neck and shoulder spasm. Can we just talk about the awkward look on my doctors face when I told her I got beat up by a mattress? Awkward.  […]

Pump Up The Beet Juice | A Juicing Recipe

Pump up those beets, pump them UP… while your feet are stompin’, and the beets are pumpin’. Look at here the crowd is jumpin’!!

It’s normal to change Technotronic lyrics to match your green juice recipes, right? Cool. I thought so. Can we remake this video too? Maybe the flashy background could be a bunch of psychedelic beets and we could wear hammer pants that are covered in veggies?  Let’s keep all of their dance moves though. That choreography is solid. Bless the 90’s. They were good.

Did I lose some of you? Probably. Just watch the video. It will get your Wednesday movin’.  Dare I say it might even pump it up? I said it. Can’t take it back now.

So, this morning I realized out of all of the juicing we have done here, we have never juiced beets together. What?! How is this possible? I love beet juice. We’ve made juice that tasted like a mojito. We’ve definitely juiced carrots. We’ve even juiced a watermelon. We’ve taken beets and blended them into one of the best smoothies of my life. Seriously, that smoothie is something special. I’ve even taken beets and made chocolate cake out of them. Whoa.  Yet, I haven’t shared with you my go to beet juice recipe. This just seems wrong. Let’s fist pump and right this wrong together. I’ve got that Technotronic song in my brain so hard that my top half is typing these words to you, but my bottom half is dancing. Pump it up!! Can’t control myself.


Papaya Sunrise Green Smoothie

I officially don’t own flip flops.

This is a big deal. I live in California. It’s like a state requirement. At any moment the California police are probably going to walk into my house and take me away. I’ll be forced to explain to them that it’s not my fault that I am wearing shoes and socks in 90 degree heat. I will sell out the dog and explain that she has officially chewed up every pair of (expensive) flip flops that I own.  They will arrest both of us. We will end up in the same Women’s Correctional Facility. Emma will make my life hell and I will be labeled a “snitch” for ratting her out. She will chew up all of my bath slippers and I will be forced to shower without flip flops. I hear that’s a no go in prison. I’ve clearly been watching too much Orange is the New Black. Like, whoa. Prison tangent. Normal for a Tuesday.

My point is (if there is one), it totally sucks to wake up on a Monday morning and discover that both your Reef sandals and your husbands Rainbow sandals have been reduced to leathery spit balls. At the rate we are going, I will be shoeless by August. I will be relegated to digging in my closet to find the one pair of forgotten shoes that I can strap onto my feet. Is it going to be my ugg-style cat boots (highly misguided fashion choice) or will it be the slightly furry Birkenstock clogs that I obtained for free by Christmas caroling at the Birkenstock factory in 2001? Both choices sound pretty solid. Help.

One day, in my teaching years, I found myself wearing the aforementioned Birkenstock clogs to class. I was informed by a six year old that it looked like I was wearing a couple of sea otters on my feet. I think I replied with a simple, “They are.”  Gotta keep ’em guessing. […]

Donut Peach Green Juice

Don’t get too excited. I didn’t juice a donut (not that I’ve never considered it).
Instead, we’re juicing the glorious donut peach. That’s right. No, it’s not filled with jelly or fried to perfection. It is simply a sweet little variety of white peach that looks like it has been smushed into the shape of a donut. They are also called Saturn peaches. Perhaps it’s because they are simply outta this world… amirite? See what I did there? Of course you did. Oh, what’s that? We’re ignoring that joke and just moving on because you’re doing me the solid courtesy of letting it slide? Gosh, I appreciate you. For reals.
Perhaps it’s one of those days where we should get right to the recipe. The next joke I have in my brain involves a rocket ship. Don’t ask. Really. It’s Thursday. Officially the day in the week where my brain turns to cheese and puns fall out of my mouth with no regard for their quality. I’ve officially pulled the third rotting banana this week out of my handbag, and I’m eating cold meatballs for breakfast. Jealous? Don’t even get me started on my outfit. It’s like MC Hammer meets laundry day meets covered in dog hair. Can’t touch this. *Insert uncomfortable pelvic thrust dance moves here* […]