Spicy Ahi Tuna Poke {Gluten-Free & Paleo}

My oven is broken.

Like, sincerely broken. Not in that “the dog ate my homework”, excuse-y kind of way. I’m not blaming the oven for almost setting my cookies on fire yesterday, even though it was programmed to bake at 350 degrees. Except, that’s exactly what I’m doing — because, instead of heating up to a sensible cookie-baking temp, it heated up to approximately five billion degrees. Parchment paper turned to ash. Macadamia nuts and dark chocolate morphed together into hardened lumps of expensive coal. This all happened within three minutes.

I went to turn the oven off, and it said “This function is not in use”… Uh… Okay. So, I’ll just live like this now. I’ll get used to existing in a home with burnt cookies and a blazing oven inferno — spouting hell fire and destroying dreams. For a moment I imagined us dragging blankets into the kitchen and camping out in front of our new perma-hot stove heater for the rest of the winter. It’s the more expensive version of one of those garbage can fires you see in hobo movies. I tried to turn it off again. It shut down this time. Just for kicks I tried to turn it back on and it gave me an error message. To anyone who’s experienced this you will understand when I say  my oven was giving me a glaring, steaming, cookie-charring middle finger.

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Maple, Bourbon & Spice Roasted Brussels Sprouts With Apples

Oh, so you thought you might be able to get through this whole Thanksgiving season without me putting bourbon in something? Nope. You thought wrong. I can’t help myself. At least we’re throwing it onto some veggies, right? It’s only polite to get our vegetables a little bit drunk, and we’re nothing if not proper hosts.

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Shredded Brussels Sprout & Green Apple Salad With Avocado & Pomegranate Seeds

Ever have those moments in life where you realize your vegetable consumption is WAY too scanty?

I usually feel this way after a holiday full of cookies, a birthday full of cake, or a vacation where I’ve favored margaritas over food groups. Or, heck… sometimes there’s no explanation at all. A girl just needs a serious veggie-vention (like, intervention…but, with veggies. It’s a stretch. I know) from time to time.  It’s in these moments that I find myself with insatiable veggie cravings. Like, standing at the kitchen counter shoveling handfuls of plain spring mix into my mouth. Or, shotgunning carrots like a frat boy would do beers. So, I figure I might as well stop grazing like an uncontrollable fridge-savvy rabbit and get down with a giant salad instead.  […]

Maple Roasted Red Kuri Squash With Lemon & Garlicky Greens {Gluten-Free, Paleo, Vegan}

Today is Halloween.

Unfortunately, I will not be serving up any kind of witch fingers with almond fingernails, or a jack’o’lantern that is vomiting  guacamole. Today there will be no graham cracker cookies that have been turned into bloody band-aids (yes, this is a real thing I saw on Pinterest), and nothing that feels like an eyeball in your mouth. Call me the Grinch of Halloween, or simply call me someone who doesn’t like to eat things that resemble blood, vomit or eyeballs. It’s a personal preference. I think my childhood self is disappointed in this whole paragraph. I used to be really big on the whole “peeled grapes feel like eyeballs in the dark” thing. I guess I’ve gone soft.

My husband just informed me that the above paragraph makes me sound really grumpy. Apparently he’s on team guacamole vomit. Oh, well. At least we both agree that leftover peanut-butter cups need to be eaten swiftly, blamelessly, competition style– straight from the trick or treat bowl. Marriage is all about compromise. We do what we can. […]